One of the most misunderstood principles of Montessori
is the caveat by Maria Montessori to “follow the child.” This is not a
directive to make the child the leader with the parents following behind. This
kind of permissiveness would abandon children to their own whims and desires. Children
do not know what is in their best interest and are not ready to take on the
responsibilities of the adult world. Parents
must lovingly guide and set firm boundaries - and an attitude of confidence is
needed to get the full message across. When a child senses too often that the
parent is timid, questioning or unsure, then that can create anxiety and even
fear.
Parents make the main decisions in life and
confidently express their choices for the child. It is the parent who decides
what’s for dinner on a daily basis. It’s the parent’s decision what time to go
to bed, what time to get up in the morning etc. The child cannot possibly know
what is in his best interest in these types of matters. The child gets to make
choices within limits set by the parents.
So, it could be appropriate for a child to choose which book to read before
bed, to choose between cooking carrots or green beans with dinner, to eat
breakfast before getting dressed or after. But all of these options are
presented by the parent to the child. The parent has made the decision of which
options are acceptable.
So, what does it mean to “follow the child”? In the
Montessori realm, it means to pay attention to the child’s interests and signs
of readiness because these guide the adult in what and how to teach the child.
It does not mean that we allow the child to totally steer their learning – but
that we observe for ideas on how to potentially approach teaching them. For
example, if a child is really interested in animals, when we teach the sounds with
the Sandpaper Letters, we can utilize this interest and give lots of examples
of animal names for each letter sound we introduce. The interests of the child
can flavor our approach to the subject. Then, we observe the child for
readiness before teaching any other new letters. We teach the child something
when we observe that the child is ready.
Sometimes, it’s ok to let our observations guide us to
step back and let the child pursue his current interests. In Montessori we pay
attention to the Sensitive Periods for learning because children’s interests
often closely follow the Sensitive Period they are in. For example, the
Sensitive Period for Order often becomes very strong around age 2. It may be
typical to see a child insist that everything must be lined up and put a
certain way or they will not be satisfied. So, in “following the child” we
understand that this a developmental phase, one that doesn’t last forever and
we are not worried or upset by it. This is a case where we “indulge” the
child’s desire because it is in alignment with proper and healthy developmental
stages. We know it is best to step back and allow the child to line up all the
toys or hang up the coat “just so.”
Another example includes when the child begins to
insist on doing things by him/herself. This is also a developmental stage and
we follow the signs of readiness by helping him/her learn how to do things by
him/herself and then stepping back to allow that to happen. We stop doing for
the child what he or she can successfully do for him/herself. If we interfere
too much and put our own will/desire before the child’s in this area, then
development does not proceed as smoothly as it can. Tantrums and power
struggles can erupt.
So to “follow the child” means to learn how to be a
good leader - to set limits and to let “signs of readiness” guide our approach.
This allows kids to relax and just be
kids, confident that Mom or Dad will handle the big stuff.
Marla Nargundkar,
AMI Montessori Guide at Tree of Life Montessori School in Atlanta,
Georgia USA
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